"I suppose it depends. Lack of fear can be a sign of ignorance of consequences or denote a lack of caring about said consequences. I don't know if either of those would really be a desirable outcome. Even hypothetically, a complete absence of fear would not be an improvement." Edward had never really thought about it much, but it was still easy enough to arrive at that conclusion. He had thought about fear. Had certainly been frustrated at his own fears.
"Would you want to cure fear? Or do you think that's what made your father an idiot?"
"Curing fear is idiotic. It's an evolutionary advantage. For s-survival. To keep you grounded." Jonathan loved that feeling of fear. He used to hate it but now he craved it and struggled to find it, he missed being ruled by his terror because now, it was all so empty and lacking. At least Edward was a good distraction. "That's why I'm s-so bored."
Nothing was exciting any more. No one made him afraid, no one got to him. He had lived with his father, who could compare? Idiot man, brilliant man. He had no idea. "But I can see it in others. Like you. And that's enough. A contact high."
"I see. Here I thought you just liked that I wear tight jeans." Edward took another sip from the bottle and then he got up, because as much as he might be fear driven in many aspects of his life, he was also bold. Bold, shameless and with rather a lot of affinity for risk-taking.
He walked over to Jonathan and sat down on one of the arms of the armchair, leaning down to pick up the journal. Not asking for permission, simply picking it up and opening it. He held it open and his free hand ran through Jonathan's hair, because his head was right there. "No more fear, huh? Nothing to make poor Jonny's heart thunder away in his chest."
He loved that about Edward. He was daring, shameless and he did whatever he wanted. There was more to Edward than fear, there was charm and a desire to be loved, to be wanted and touched. He craved touch as much as he liked to touch. Hence why he was touching Jon's hair. Jon cursed to himself, he probably should have washed it or something. He definitely needed a haircut.
"A man can like two things." Jon pointed out as he watched Edward hold his journal. His father's journal. It made his heart race and he didn't quite know why. He leaned his head to the side so he could see what page he was reading. "...Highly anxious individuals manifest increased s-sensitivity to psy-psychological th-threat that translates into enhanced autonomic reactivity and s-superior detection of internal bodily sensations, notably heartbeats."
Jonathan knew the pages almost by heart at this point. "In th-this experiment, I explored cardiac-timing effects on f-fear perception and fear judgment."
With a small laugh, Jonathan looked up at Edward. "That one was th-th-thrilling."
"So I see. That's... intricate." Edward was a speedy reader, of course he was, and he tried to absorb the information quickly, while he tugged lightly on a few strands of Jonathan's hair. Lovely texture, admittedly, even if it could use a good wash. "Your father was certainly original. He's really thought out that psychological abuse."
Fascinating. His own father had about the depth of a dried out puddle, so it was interesting to get an insight into someone who differed so much from that. "You're a fascinating person, Jonathan Crane."
"It's not abuse, not to him. It's love." Jonathan thought it was funny, personally. He smiled at Edward, wondering how much his mind was pulling together and what thoughts he was forming. Jonathan leaned his head back, enjoying those fingers in his hair and wondering what his limits were here. Three drinks. They'd only had two.
Yet here was Edward, looking like that. Split lip, dark eyes, that same lovely scent he had. "I'm not afraid of much anymore. I just have a few s-s-side effects." Reaching out, he placed his hand on Edward's thigh and squeezed it in warning. "I would like my journal back now, son."
"Right. You always get handsy when you want something badly enough?" Edward raised his eyebrows and smiled playfully, while he moved his thumb to leaf through the pages, his eyes trained on them the whole time. Not enough time to process any of the information right now, but he rather prided himself on an almost photographic memory. He closed the journal with a little flourish and then handed it over to Jonathan, leaning down to kiss his cheek. "There you go, daddy. Told you, I'm a sucker for that commanding tone."
He got up, scanning the room again as he walked over to where he'd sat before and draping himself over the sofa again, absently licking his injured lip. "So. Love hurts? Is that the conclusion?"
His cheek felt warm and weird, like a pleasant burning, and he set the journal on the table behind him before he got up and leaned forward, taking the bottle of whiskey. He sat down and took a long swig from it, pondering Edward's conclusion. "One of the conclusions."
At least, in his mind. His father loved him but ruined him, he was cruel but he didn't think he was cruel. He was a man of science, of pure thought, there was no love or empathy on display. Yet his journal seemed to imply otherwise. "People are cruel and they do what they can to achieve what they wanted. Motivated by fear, they storm ahead and trample on everyone they must to reach that end goal that will bring them relief or salvation." Jonathan shrugged, setting the whiskey back down.
He didn't take it personally. People were awful - it was in their nature. "A father can fear his son's weaknesses as much as he can fear his strengths. Anxiety and fear, intelligence and guile."
"Fair enough. Though for my money, my old man just really likes a punching bag that talks back." Clearly there was something far more complex on display in Jonathan's case. Explained a lot about him. Edward watched the other boy now, a smile on his face as he felt that more pieces got added just then. An even more complex puzzle, but also more pieces falling into place.
"I don't know if your view of people isn't too simplistic. Too focused on fear. There's more that drives them than that. Still, I appreciate the cynicism, I find it oddly refreshing."
Which was perhaps a strange thing to say, but nonetheless true. "I'm a cynic too. See? People never realise that. I like the world as it is. I like taking what I want. Suits me just fine."
"If the world is corrupt, it's easier to navigate. We remove guilt and anxieties that might be there if we exploit an inherently good s-s-system." Jonathan reasoned. He found it much more simple. He didn't like people and he didn't really think about people much. Ergo, they were less real to him. They were already screwed, living the way that they did, what did it matter if one more person screwed them over. And if they weren't already screwed, then they deserved to be eventually.
"You have an easy smile. Charisma. Ch-Charm. You don't seem cynical because people can't think beyond first impressions." That's why people preserved him as weak and pathetic because of his stutter. Of course they saw Edward was chipper and never cynical.
"You'd be boring if you were like you seemed. Another p-pretty boy."
"See, you think it's an easy smile. It is these days. Not that long ago and I'd look at myself in the mirror practising." He had tried to figure out what it was that appealed to people about him, once he'd learned that there was something about him that could appeal to people. A lot of discovery there. It was not how he had started out in life. But then, Ed supposed few ever did.
He knew he had charm these days. It was a skill he had had fun practising. "So, you'd not like me if I was just that. A pretty boy." It was a fun thing to call himself, so he had to laugh, shaking his head before leaning forward. Legs spread, he rested his elbows on his knees and looked at Jonathan. "But you do like it. You like that I'm a pretty boy."
"I like pretty, I'd be dumb not to. But a pretty boy ain't worth the time." He wouldn't invite a guy to his place if he was just pretty, he didn't really see the point. It wasn't that Edward was pretty that he was interesting. What was interesting was his mind, the pretty just made him nice to have fantasies about. He could jack off over a guy and move on pretty swiftly.
With Edward, he had a roadblock. "I like that you're a little shit." He smirked at him and then leaned forward. "You get under my sk-skin and p-piss me off. Pretty boys just look pretty. Flash in the p-pan. You ain't."
"Can't get me out of your head, can you? You oughta be careful with that, Jonathan. If it's just the looks, it's enough to get your prick to harden and to make you up with sticky sheets. What you're talking about though..." Edward let out a low whistle, then touched the tip of his tongue to his lip at the sharp pain. Stupid split. "That's dangerous territory. Headed right into obsession."
It was still flattering, he'd say. "Boy howdy. Aren't you a walking red flag?"
"Obsession is just a form of flattering, ain't it?" Jonathan pulled his cigarettes out and lit up, putting it to his lips and taking a smoke. He considered Edward's words and then smirked at him. "You like that I'm d-dangerous."
Otherwise, he wouldn't be here. He wouldn't have come. In fact, he would have avoided him. There was some strong danger kink there.
"Do you want to lie down with me?" Jonathan didn't stutter as he asked, looking Edward directly in the eyes. It wasn't an invitation to fuck or to sleep, just a simple statement. "Bedroom's back there."
Edward leaned back again, spreading his arms out along the back of the sofa and shrugging as he accepted that statement. He did like the danger, he couldn't really deny that. There was a draw to that. The unknown and the mysterious were always sure to draw him in and the risk was inherent to both. Part of the fascination.
There was that same fascination to the question too. The sudden lack of stuttering which belied a sense of confidence while Edward was a little bit at a loss. It was a particular way of wording things. Lie down with him?
He frowned and then simply got to his feet, figuring that was answer enough. Another red flag. He'd follow. "Lead the way, Jonny. Are you tired?"
"Come." Jonathan took a final drag before he stubbed his cigarette out on the table and got up. He knew Edward would follow, he was unable to walk away and he didn't do well with direct wording. Clearly, it did something for Edward to be both insistent and surprising.
He led Edward to his bedroom and pushed the door open. It was a small room with just a bed and a broken down chest of drawers. Jonathan gestured at Edward and then put his hands on his hips. "Lie down."
There was something to be said for being ordered around, especially given the circumstances. In someone else's bedroom, with his heart beating up to his throat simply from the focused look in Jonathan's eyes. He let his eyes roam over Jonathan for a moment before he nodded, feeling less talkative than usual for the moment.
He swallowed past that knot in his throat and moved over to the bed, lying down as instructed. "Are you going to lie down with me?"
"Yes." Jonathan waited for Edward to lie down before he steeled himself and took a breath. He wanted this, he daydreamed about it but he never thought he could make it happen. And now he had a chance, he was pushing forward because when would he get a chance like this again? When would a freak like him ever have a chance with such a pretty boy without a strange twist of fate like tonight.
Jonathan climbed into the bed and lay down right next to Edward, touching his chest at first and then placing his hand over his heart. It was a steady beat, little faster than resting. He could feel him breathe in and out, could feel the warmth from him under his palm. His dick hardened just from being close like this.
This was unusual, no doubt about that. Edward had had a lot of experiences by now, from trysts in closets to threesomes in girls' bedrooms he had had to secretly climb into through windows. He had been experimenting with a couple different kinks already and he had even dabbled a little bit with something akin to love.
This felt a little bit like that. Fragile and as if there were wrong moves he could be making. He wasn't used to feeling such a bout of nerves any more. Perhaps it was what he got from Jonathan. He stayed still under the other boy's hands for now, although he looked to the side to watch his expression. "I could be wearing less, you know?"
Was that what they were doing? He honestly didn't know. "If you want."
"Shh." Jonathan whispered gently as he felt Edward's voice through his chest, close and feeling the other in every possible way. There was something so beautiful about being close to someone he actually liked. To feel their warmth, their life, to hear their voice talking only to him. He shuddered at that only, in pleasure and not discomfort.
He moved closer and wrapped an arm around Edward, lying against the bed now and just bring Edward closer to his chest. He could smell him much closer now, he was a mixture of his cologne and his sweat. It was exciting.
Talking almost ruined the tentative moment that he had, but he knew that Edward would kick him off any moment and call him a weirdo. So he wanted to full enjoy it for a moment or two before it ended.
Honestly, nine times out of ten, anyone shushing Edward lived to regret it. If only because Edward could be very annoying even accidentally and especially annoying when he put his mind to it.
But this wasn't one of those times. This was a different time and, as part of Edward's analytical brain readily provided, he knew that he was essentially in subspace. Not unusual, given circumstances, and it actually led to him staying quiet and letting Jonathan hold him. Handle him. Jonathan smelled of smoke and chemicals and as if he didn't wash much, nothing new there. He was about to develop a kink for that, he could already see that happening.
He wasn't sure how much initiative to take. So he simply turned his head again, this time to press his lips against the bare skin of Jonathan's neck. Stung a little, from the split there, but it felt intimate in a way that seemed to fit the vibe.
Edward's lips were soft and Jonathan knew he would keep the sensation of them close to his chest for years to come. He slowly readjusted himself and climbed on top of Edward, arms either side of him as he looked down at the beautiful boy in his bed. He kissed him on the lips this time, taking the initiative. His lips were chapped and bitten to high hell but he didn't care, he didn't feel that self conscious right now.
It was so much like a fantasy that it was easier to step away and lose embarrassment or uncertainty.
His hand trailed down and undid Edward's button, snaking his hand down into the other's pants and stroking his dick. "I'm going to suck your dick in a moment. You can moan for me if you like." He wasn't asking, he was just warning him before he started to slide down the bed.
Jonathan was so much more assertive than Edward would have thought, given he was almost certain that the other boy was a virgin. Clearly a virgin who had fantasised about this a lot though. The kiss was good, great even, not because of technique or how it felt or how Jonathan tasted, but because of how he felt in the situation. Because of how Jonathan looked at him.
He pulled himself up on his elbows to look down himself, to watch Jonathan. "I'm pretty sensitive. Don't think I could keep from moaning if I wanted to." Besides, why would he hold back showing his pleasure at getting his dick sucked? Not where he'd expected the night to go before running into Jonathan.
Jonathan pulled Edward's jeans partially down and then his underwear too. Vain bastard, even his underwear was tight. He looked at his cock with interest for a few moments, just studying it and then stroking it, watching and feeling how it hardened under his touch. He moved forward and put it in his mouth, not having too much trouble with his gag reflex. He never had much issue with that.
He had always wanted to suck a pretty boy's cock and now it was here, for his own use. Of course he was going to make use of it. He wanted to hear the pretty sounds that his Edward would make.
As Edward had said, he was sensitive. He was also noisy, to no one's surprise. "Fuck!" He moaned after the curse, fingers grasping the bedsheet to try and get some purchase, desperately attempting to keep his hips still, because he already wanted to buck up.
He was a horny teenage boy after all, so of course he was eager. He was at least one with a decent amount of experience, including getting his cock sucked, so he did not come as fast as others might have. How much he was enjoying himself was obvious though, because technique was really secondary. Hot, willing mouth around his dick, he was moaning and his head fell back. He moved one hand, fingers burying into Jonathan's hair. "Yeah, Jonathan... Fuck, you're good."
His breath came out trembling and he tugged on his hair. "You-- I'm gonna, so..." Where was that eloquence? "I'm gonna come."
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icebergloungers2024-05-02 05:52 pm
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"Would you want to cure fear? Or do you think that's what made your father an idiot?"
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Nothing was exciting any more. No one made him afraid, no one got to him. He had lived with his father, who could compare? Idiot man, brilliant man. He had no idea. "But I can see it in others. Like you. And that's enough. A contact high."
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He walked over to Jonathan and sat down on one of the arms of the armchair, leaning down to pick up the journal. Not asking for permission, simply picking it up and opening it. He held it open and his free hand ran through Jonathan's hair, because his head was right there. "No more fear, huh? Nothing to make poor Jonny's heart thunder away in his chest."
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"A man can like two things." Jon pointed out as he watched Edward hold his journal. His father's journal. It made his heart race and he didn't quite know why. He leaned his head to the side so he could see what page he was reading. "...Highly anxious individuals manifest increased s-sensitivity to psy-psychological th-threat that translates into enhanced autonomic reactivity and s-superior detection of internal bodily sensations, notably heartbeats."
Jonathan knew the pages almost by heart at this point. "In th-this experiment, I explored cardiac-timing effects on f-fear perception and fear judgment."
With a small laugh, Jonathan looked up at Edward. "That one was th-th-thrilling."
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Fascinating. His own father had about the depth of a dried out puddle, so it was interesting to get an insight into someone who differed so much from that. "You're a fascinating person, Jonathan Crane."
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Yet here was Edward, looking like that. Split lip, dark eyes, that same lovely scent he had. "I'm not afraid of much anymore. I just have a few s-s-side effects." Reaching out, he placed his hand on Edward's thigh and squeezed it in warning. "I would like my journal back now, son."
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He got up, scanning the room again as he walked over to where he'd sat before and draping himself over the sofa again, absently licking his injured lip. "So. Love hurts? Is that the conclusion?"
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At least, in his mind. His father loved him but ruined him, he was cruel but he didn't think he was cruel. He was a man of science, of pure thought, there was no love or empathy on display. Yet his journal seemed to imply otherwise. "People are cruel and they do what they can to achieve what they wanted. Motivated by fear, they storm ahead and trample on everyone they must to reach that end goal that will bring them relief or salvation." Jonathan shrugged, setting the whiskey back down.
He didn't take it personally. People were awful - it was in their nature. "A father can fear his son's weaknesses as much as he can fear his strengths. Anxiety and fear, intelligence and guile."
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"I don't know if your view of people isn't too simplistic. Too focused on fear. There's more that drives them than that. Still, I appreciate the cynicism, I find it oddly refreshing."
Which was perhaps a strange thing to say, but nonetheless true. "I'm a cynic too. See? People never realise that. I like the world as it is. I like taking what I want. Suits me just fine."
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"You have an easy smile. Charisma. Ch-Charm. You don't seem cynical because people can't think beyond first impressions." That's why people preserved him as weak and pathetic because of his stutter. Of course they saw Edward was chipper and never cynical.
"You'd be boring if you were like you seemed. Another p-pretty boy."
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He knew he had charm these days. It was a skill he had had fun practising. "So, you'd not like me if I was just that. A pretty boy." It was a fun thing to call himself, so he had to laugh, shaking his head before leaning forward. Legs spread, he rested his elbows on his knees and looked at Jonathan. "But you do like it. You like that I'm a pretty boy."
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With Edward, he had a roadblock. "I like that you're a little shit." He smirked at him and then leaned forward. "You get under my sk-skin and p-piss me off. Pretty boys just look pretty. Flash in the p-pan. You ain't."
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It was still flattering, he'd say. "Boy howdy. Aren't you a walking red flag?"
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Otherwise, he wouldn't be here. He wouldn't have come. In fact, he would have avoided him. There was some strong danger kink there.
"Do you want to lie down with me?" Jonathan didn't stutter as he asked, looking Edward directly in the eyes. It wasn't an invitation to fuck or to sleep, just a simple statement. "Bedroom's back there."
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There was that same fascination to the question too. The sudden lack of stuttering which belied a sense of confidence while Edward was a little bit at a loss. It was a particular way of wording things. Lie down with him?
He frowned and then simply got to his feet, figuring that was answer enough. Another red flag. He'd follow. "Lead the way, Jonny. Are you tired?"
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He led Edward to his bedroom and pushed the door open. It was a small room with just a bed and a broken down chest of drawers. Jonathan gestured at Edward and then put his hands on his hips. "Lie down."
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He swallowed past that knot in his throat and moved over to the bed, lying down as instructed. "Are you going to lie down with me?"
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Jonathan climbed into the bed and lay down right next to Edward, touching his chest at first and then placing his hand over his heart. It was a steady beat, little faster than resting. He could feel him breathe in and out, could feel the warmth from him under his palm. His dick hardened just from being close like this.
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This felt a little bit like that. Fragile and as if there were wrong moves he could be making. He wasn't used to feeling such a bout of nerves any more. Perhaps it was what he got from Jonathan. He stayed still under the other boy's hands for now, although he looked to the side to watch his expression. "I could be wearing less, you know?"
Was that what they were doing? He honestly didn't know. "If you want."
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He moved closer and wrapped an arm around Edward, lying against the bed now and just bring Edward closer to his chest. He could smell him much closer now, he was a mixture of his cologne and his sweat. It was exciting.
Talking almost ruined the tentative moment that he had, but he knew that Edward would kick him off any moment and call him a weirdo. So he wanted to full enjoy it for a moment or two before it ended.
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But this wasn't one of those times. This was a different time and, as part of Edward's analytical brain readily provided, he knew that he was essentially in subspace. Not unusual, given circumstances, and it actually led to him staying quiet and letting Jonathan hold him. Handle him. Jonathan smelled of smoke and chemicals and as if he didn't wash much, nothing new there. He was about to develop a kink for that, he could already see that happening.
He wasn't sure how much initiative to take. So he simply turned his head again, this time to press his lips against the bare skin of Jonathan's neck. Stung a little, from the split there, but it felt intimate in a way that seemed to fit the vibe.
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It was so much like a fantasy that it was easier to step away and lose embarrassment or uncertainty.
His hand trailed down and undid Edward's button, snaking his hand down into the other's pants and stroking his dick. "I'm going to suck your dick in a moment. You can moan for me if you like." He wasn't asking, he was just warning him before he started to slide down the bed.
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He pulled himself up on his elbows to look down himself, to watch Jonathan. "I'm pretty sensitive. Don't think I could keep from moaning if I wanted to." Besides, why would he hold back showing his pleasure at getting his dick sucked? Not where he'd expected the night to go before running into Jonathan.
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He had always wanted to suck a pretty boy's cock and now it was here, for his own use. Of course he was going to make use of it. He wanted to hear the pretty sounds that his Edward would make.
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He was a horny teenage boy after all, so of course he was eager. He was at least one with a decent amount of experience, including getting his cock sucked, so he did not come as fast as others might have. How much he was enjoying himself was obvious though, because technique was really secondary. Hot, willing mouth around his dick, he was moaning and his head fell back. He moved one hand, fingers burying into Jonathan's hair. "Yeah, Jonathan... Fuck, you're good."
His breath came out trembling and he tugged on his hair. "You-- I'm gonna, so..." Where was that eloquence? "I'm gonna come."
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