"Your p-pulse makes p-p-poisonous melodies and your b--lack throat is like the hole. Left by s-some torch or b---" He got stuck at the end of finishing the poem and defeat won out in the end as he halted there and shrugged. He had read Wilde, every poem and play, just as he read anything he had access to. He adored any kind of fiction, it was a beautiful escape from how tedious the world truly was.
He gestured vaguely at himself and then at Edward. "Effortless." He could speak clearly, without idiocy and without fumble. He could sound like that and command attention, to be worthy of praise and witness. And all Jonathan had was an embarrassing shambles.
Edward was so frustratingly effortless. He wanted to love him and hurt him at the same time. He inhaled sharply and flicked his cigarette aside. "For you, it's art. For me, it's exerc-cises."
Edward had been patient in waiting for Jonathan to end the verse, but he accepted when he didn't, inclining his head. "Admittedly, 'Saracenic tapestries' is a tongue twister even for a tongue as skilled as mine."
He wiggled his tongue playfully, then pulled it back and tried to imagine what it must be like for Jonathan. It was a difficult mental exercise, at it turned out. Edward was used to feeling weak, but he always knew how to talk. Often to his detriment, the way he could not help himself but kept antagonising his father. "I understand that it's an effort for you. If it's any consolation, I believe it is an effort well worth it. I like hearing what you have to say. You are much more worth talking to than the bulk of the population at this school."
"Making assumptions, are we?" Jonathan didn't know if he was that worth listening to, he hadn't really had any proper conversations with Edward. Anything he said came out wrong so he hadn't really attempted much conversation. With anyone, really. He had several altercations with assholes already but having a stutter hardly prevented him rebuffing them.
He just had fewer words and less time. A simple 'fuck you' went a long way. When he could get it out, of course.
Jonathan always felt weird around Edward. He never had been aware of his clothes before or how he looked until he stood in front of someone who clearly cared and thought about things. Was he off putting? Probably. It was an asset, he liked being off-putting. Just not with Edward, apparently. "I ain't worth s-shit, son."
"You like to hide your worth, I'll give you that. But, in the words of the great J.R.R. Tolkien: All that is gold does not glitter, not all those who wander are lost; The old that is strong does not wither, deep roots are not reached by the frost." Perhaps not the most apt, but Edward felt that it applied at least in part. "Let us be frank with each other, Jonathan. I've told you how much I could deduce just by looking at you for a few minutes. A lot more time has passed since then and, well. I've noticed you noticing me. It has made me pay more notice as well."
He shrugged as he tried to look into Jonathan's eyes. A tricky thing to do, the boy was ever so evasive. "You could quote Oscar Wilde from memory. Even if that was all I knew about you, would I be wrong in my assumptions? You are worthwhile. Worth spending a while on."
And that was not even getting into how he called him 'son'. That he'd have to circle back to at some point.
Jonathan rolled his eyes, he had no idea how to handle flattery and it just made him feel on edge. It came with uncertainty and doubt, as it always did. Why would Edward say this? What did Edward want from him? Everyone wanted something and there was no doubt that Edward was after something.
Or maybe the something he wanted was just what he was getting. To be watched. To be admired.
"I d-don't know you but I can s-see you. Narrows boy. Early morning just to be ready. Ego is f-fragile, one must maintain it. What a ch-ch-chore." Jonathan tsked as he put his hands in his pocket, stroking the sunflower seeds he kept in there. It was nice, another sensation to grasp to. "F-Fragile th-th-things always b--" He got stuck again and then looked at Edward, hating how much he had to speak when he was around him. Hating that he had to expose his flaws. He took a breath and tried again. "Break."
"Yeah? Oh, my sweet darling Jonny. If any part of me was as fragile as all that, I'd already be made up of only cracks." And perhaps he was. Edward certainly had days when he felt like it. Days he felt like breaking. Days he felt like he'd broken a long time ago. "But it takes one to know one. Do you see what we have in common?"
Maybe not, given he was focused on the stark differences they had. "Everything we can control about our appearance, it's a way of controlling people's perception, isn't it? So you do what you do - or don't do, in your case. And I do what I do. Different means to different ends."
But not that different an approach. Edward closed what distance there was between them, putting a hand on Jonathan's chest and looking right at him. "I like your eyes, Jonny. A boy could drown in those."
Edward was touching him. It was like an alarm went off in his head and he froze. What he observed was never supposed to interact. It was strange, like seeing a chemical react and being able to ask it why or feel it's impact. He looked at Edward and then looked away.
Queer. Fairy. Fucking hell.
He took a step away from Edward and cocked his head to the side. "I weren't being negative. I like watching p-p-pretty th-things break." He side-stepped any attempt for Edward to get close and started to move away from the auditorium and towards somewhere more neural. Maybe he could end this if he just walked away. Avoidance always won out.
"Break me then." Edward said it as a provocation, for the same damn reason he still talked back to his dad when he was already hurting. Stubborn and contrary and embracing risk rather than ever backing down and missing out. Even if it was just missing out on proving himself. "If you want to watch it so badly, then break me into little pieces. Bring me to my knees in tears. Does that do it for you?"
He turned and raised his eyebrows. "I know you want me."
The challenge was set but he had no idea how to approach it or what to do with himself. He didn't want to do play when he was already on the losing side. Losing in presentation, distance and idea. He had to ponder this, he had to find the way to play the game on an even footing. He turned to Edward and looked at him for a while. "You want me to r-race the inevitable."
"Does it matter what I want? You're already in for it. I've just dragged it into the open." Edward shrugged and offered a quick flash of a smirk. "So sue me."
Clearly he felt no regret. "Let's just be friends, Jonny. I'm all for it. But, from one nancy boy to the other... You're the one who's already picked a fight against the inevitable. I wish you luck." To whatever end that might be.
Jonathan stared at Edward for a few moments and then decided that all he could do was walk away for now. He had a lot of things to think about. Mostly Edward. One Nancy boy to another... heh. He liked that one.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
3rs) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
icebergloungers2024-05-02 05:52 pm
no subject
He gestured vaguely at himself and then at Edward. "Effortless." He could speak clearly, without idiocy and without fumble. He could sound like that and command attention, to be worthy of praise and witness. And all Jonathan had was an embarrassing shambles.
Edward was so frustratingly effortless. He wanted to love him and hurt him at the same time. He inhaled sharply and flicked his cigarette aside. "For you, it's art. For me, it's exerc-cises."
no subject
He wiggled his tongue playfully, then pulled it back and tried to imagine what it must be like for Jonathan. It was a difficult mental exercise, at it turned out. Edward was used to feeling weak, but he always knew how to talk. Often to his detriment, the way he could not help himself but kept antagonising his father. "I understand that it's an effort for you. If it's any consolation, I believe it is an effort well worth it. I like hearing what you have to say. You are much more worth talking to than the bulk of the population at this school."
He included the teaching staff in that.
no subject
He just had fewer words and less time. A simple 'fuck you' went a long way. When he could get it out, of course.
Jonathan always felt weird around Edward. He never had been aware of his clothes before or how he looked until he stood in front of someone who clearly cared and thought about things. Was he off putting? Probably. It was an asset, he liked being off-putting. Just not with Edward, apparently. "I ain't worth s-shit, son."
no subject
He shrugged as he tried to look into Jonathan's eyes. A tricky thing to do, the boy was ever so evasive. "You could quote Oscar Wilde from memory. Even if that was all I knew about you, would I be wrong in my assumptions? You are worthwhile. Worth spending a while on."
And that was not even getting into how he called him 'son'. That he'd have to circle back to at some point.
no subject
Or maybe the something he wanted was just what he was getting. To be watched. To be admired.
"I d-don't know you but I can s-see you. Narrows boy. Early morning just to be ready. Ego is f-fragile, one must maintain it. What a ch-ch-chore." Jonathan tsked as he put his hands in his pocket, stroking the sunflower seeds he kept in there. It was nice, another sensation to grasp to. "F-Fragile th-th-things always b--" He got stuck again and then looked at Edward, hating how much he had to speak when he was around him. Hating that he had to expose his flaws. He took a breath and tried again. "Break."
no subject
Maybe not, given he was focused on the stark differences they had. "Everything we can control about our appearance, it's a way of controlling people's perception, isn't it? So you do what you do - or don't do, in your case. And I do what I do. Different means to different ends."
But not that different an approach. Edward closed what distance there was between them, putting a hand on Jonathan's chest and looking right at him. "I like your eyes, Jonny. A boy could drown in those."
no subject
Queer. Fairy. Fucking hell.
He took a step away from Edward and cocked his head to the side. "I weren't being negative. I like watching p-p-pretty th-things break." He side-stepped any attempt for Edward to get close and started to move away from the auditorium and towards somewhere more neural. Maybe he could end this if he just walked away. Avoidance always won out.
no subject
He turned and raised his eyebrows. "I know you want me."
no subject
The challenge was set but he had no idea how to approach it or what to do with himself. He didn't want to do play when he was already on the losing side. Losing in presentation, distance and idea. He had to ponder this, he had to find the way to play the game on an even footing. He turned to Edward and looked at him for a while. "You want me to r-race the inevitable."
no subject
Clearly he felt no regret. "Let's just be friends, Jonny. I'm all for it. But, from one nancy boy to the other... You're the one who's already picked a fight against the inevitable. I wish you luck." To whatever end that might be.
no subject
Jonathan stared at Edward for a few moments and then decided that all he could do was walk away for now. He had a lot of things to think about. Mostly Edward. One Nancy boy to another... heh. He liked that one.