"Fear of failure combined with too much empathy. Fascinating. Did he cry?" Jon was just curious how deep the panic attack went. Just not being able to breathe and tension was also interesting but he assumed that went without saying. Whether or not he cried was more interesting, it showed the body was working to release good hormones. Or was he just keeping all that shit inside. "If he was crying, he was releasing. If he was just tense and angry, it's in him still."
That must be hard, not having relief. "It's rare for boys to have too much empathy." It was interesting though. "You seen him dis-disassociate?"
"What happened is that I could hear him hyperventilate, so I picked the lock of the nearest broom closet to get us some privacy." Edward said it and gave Jonathan a Look, as if that alone should have clued him in. When it didn't appear to, he realised. No Harvey knowledge, while he had too much of it. He liked studying people. "I picked the lock and Harvey said nothing about it. He watched me do it, he followed me inside, and he had no idea how we ended up there. And he-- I feel I undersold that justice thing. He's lily white. If he knew that I carried a lockpick with me, he would give me a lecture. He does not believe in crime."
So black and white in his thinking. "Complete dissociation."
"Uns-surprising. Black and white thinking is easy. S-S-Safe. You can control it." It was easier to see the world as good and bad so the decision was easy to make. So one could always stay on the path that was desired. Harvey seemed to live in binary. 0 or 1. Yes or no. Good or bad. Interesting. "If you have such a narrow path, it can be easy to stray. To panic. He's a control freak."
Less interesting but the disassociation was quite fun. "Did it happen this once or does it happen often? Did he talk about anything else that ha-happened?"
"It's happened to him before. All he thinks is that it's about his anger. Then I pointed out to him what I know from your damn books, how fear and anger are close together. You know the spiel. Fear moves us away for the source, anger towards it. And then he told me he doesn't want to talk feelings." Shocking. He was such a boy, Harvey, really. Definitely not willing to admit he had a thing to be scared of and that he had any issue whatsoever - other than anger.
"He got angry though. While he was panicking. I've never experienced that. He got angry. Slammed the wall and almost triggered something in me. Before I got us into that closet. His panic attacks seem to be angry and violent. What do you make of that, professor?"
"A class panic attack has no anger. There is anger afterwards and there's such a thing as anger attacks but they are different. Anger with panic and disassociation... I would think epilepsy or Tourette syndrome, honestly." Though that didn't seem 100% correct, his mind went in that direction. Uncontrollable rage attacks tended to be linked with these sort of areas. "The other alternative, the more unpleasant one, would be schizophrenia. People with psychotic attacks can get strong, angry, paranoid."
Jon got up and went over to his books, looking for the one he wanted. "If it is, it tends to be onset around 18. Though I'm not sure if he has all the symptoms for schizophrenia. I need more data, of course."
"You think that about a lot of people. I started working on statistics for it. You're wrong so far 48/7% of the time. So you're close so 50/50, son." Didn't scream successful but he supposed he was over a significance threshold. Not enough to be scientifically sound, however. Jonathan found the book he wanted and came back over to sit, opening it at the back to look at the index.
"Disassociation is very rare. Most think it's not real. You only really see it with trauma. Generally abuse or war related trauma. There's a small number of disorders that cover disassociation." He flipped to the page they needed and opened it up. "Four potentials. Disassociation-amnesia, unspecified disassociation, depersonalisation-derealisation and DID. Dissociative identity disorder."
"I don't know what you'd call it, but I know he was watching me do something he'd never tolerate and he still doesn't remember seeing it." So, whatever it was, clearly Harvey had no awareness. "Anyway, I think your statistics are skewed. You've no idea how repressed idiots express their hidden gay desires. All you know is what repressed reasonably intelligent boys do."
Edward stuck his tongue out to him, then finally lowered the bag of peas from his eye again. "How is it looking?" Fingers crossed. Although it felt swollen when he gently touched it and it was painful to keep it open, so he assumed it was bruising nicely. Damn.
"Not sw-swollen." Jon nodded in approval as he looed back at his book, his mind clearly somewhere else. Ed was in for a super fun evening of Jonathan researching now but honestly, he felt Edward brought that on himself by asking. "I think it adds character. Makes you look good. You suit greyish blue."
Jon was smirking to himself. It was fun to tease Ed, to flirt a little. He was never bored with Eddie.
"You, my dear friend, are a sadistic creep. For the record." Edward put the damn bag back over his eye, then simply stretched out on the ground and watched Jonathan through his uninjured eye. "Keep your hands off Harvey, by the way. My toy, my game, I've called dibs."
With that he closed the other eyes as well, deciding that a nap was probably preferable to actively listening to Jonathan on a research spree.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
3rs) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
icebergloungers2021-10-21 08:54 pm
no subject
That must be hard, not having relief. "It's rare for boys to have too much empathy." It was interesting though. "You seen him dis-disassociate?"
no subject
So black and white in his thinking. "Complete dissociation."
no subject
Less interesting but the disassociation was quite fun. "Did it happen this once or does it happen often? Did he talk about anything else that ha-happened?"
no subject
"He got angry though. While he was panicking. I've never experienced that. He got angry. Slammed the wall and almost triggered something in me. Before I got us into that closet. His panic attacks seem to be angry and violent. What do you make of that, professor?"
no subject
Jon got up and went over to his books, looking for the one he wanted. "If it is, it tends to be onset around 18. Though I'm not sure if he has all the symptoms for schizophrenia. I need more data, of course."
no subject
But then, he thought that about a lot of people.
no subject
"Disassociation is very rare. Most think it's not real. You only really see it with trauma. Generally abuse or war related trauma. There's a small number of disorders that cover disassociation." He flipped to the page they needed and opened it up. "Four potentials. Disassociation-amnesia, unspecified disassociation, depersonalisation-derealisation and DID. Dissociative identity disorder."
Jon sighed wistfully. "If only."
no subject
Edward stuck his tongue out to him, then finally lowered the bag of peas from his eye again. "How is it looking?" Fingers crossed. Although it felt swollen when he gently touched it and it was painful to keep it open, so he assumed it was bruising nicely. Damn.
no subject
Jon was smirking to himself. It was fun to tease Ed, to flirt a little. He was never bored with Eddie.
no subject
With that he closed the other eyes as well, deciding that a nap was probably preferable to actively listening to Jonathan on a research spree.