"You piss me off something wild." Jonathan admitted as he opened the door to the chapel and let Edward go in first. "Stay in the center, the sides aren't very sturdy. It's an old place, you could fall through." He headed along with confidence, knowing where to stand and where he was going, walking up to the stop of the chapel where the candles were lit. His father was still lighting them every day.
"Are you scared yet, Edward?" He moved around the stuff on the alter, pulling a wood box forward that he had stashed away here, in plain site, for the right opportunity. "Do you have a lot of fear? Any phobias? Just curious."
"I don't have any phobias." There was that. As far as he knew, anyway. Fear, that was a different matter. "You're making me regret I didn't get done speedreading your father's published research, because of how you gulp down your food."
Not quite scared, but there was something. His heart beating fast, his hands in his pockets, him chewing on his bottom lip, which tended to suffer when he felt anxious. Often bloody. But he wasn't even conscious of that right now. "What do you worship here, Jonny, hm?"
"My father's research is simple, I wouldn't worry. I can give you the abridged. My father believes that fear is the worst weakness in mankind, it is something to be conquered. The reason people hold back and avoid so many things in life is fear. The reason he didn't save my mom was fear. Too scared to go into a burning building." Jonathan opened his box and slowly started to assemble what he had in his hands, not turning around to Edward as he worked. "Personally, I think he's a hack and not just because I've been his subject since ... well, birth. Perhaps I'm bitter, maybe that's my bias but I simply disagree with his assessment. Fear is a good thing, we need it or we'd end up dead in a fire after running inside, drowning in a lake or leaping off cliffs with no caution."
Turning around suddenly, he sprayed something in Edward's face and kept going until the cannister ran low. No time to be sentimental, he had to know. He tried to warn him. "Fear is a gift, Edward. And I will prove him wrong. I just needed a guinea pig."
Edward held his breath and did his best to shield his face with one arm, while using the other hand to try and punch Jonathan, because he was clearly asking for it. He had to breathe eventually, however, ending up coughing and staggering back a few steps. His head was spinning and he looked around, tried to keep his eyes focused on Jonathan.
What had he expected, really? The worrying thing was that he wasn't even that surprised. Now, the effects? Those would have been impossible to ready himself for. He heard someone's breath hitch, than realised it was him. Great. Hyperventilating. Panic attack. Seemed about right. He tried to calm himself, the way he had done often before, calculating in his head to find a pattern for his mind to latch onto.
"Careful, Edward. Breathe." Jonathan instructed as he came closer and grabbed Edward harshly, knowing that now was not the time to be gentle. He didn't want Edward to die from this, he just wanted to see how he'd react. He wanted to scare him off before anything happened - anything that involved another kiss. He was definitely not going to get any more of those.
"Lower your head and breathe from the diaphragm, not the chest." Jonathan manually moved his head low and checked his pulse at the same time, mumbled to himself about what it meant as he finally tilted Edward's head up, looking into his eyes. "Fascinating." They were fully dilated. He licked his lips, excited. "Edward, tell me what you see. The hallucinogenic will start up soon or perhaps they already have. It's vital you tell me when you start seeing things."
"Fuck you," Edward said helpfully, not feeling very cooperative. It wasn't easy to be surly while increasingly terrified, however, when he had to bite down on his lip to keep from making sounds. He moved his hands up to Jonathan's throat fairly purposeful, but before he could start squeezing he let go, giving him a shove instead and throwing himself on the ground. He'd definitely heard something, right? He looked around, eyes wide with fear, pressing his hand down over his mouth to keep himself quiet. Not the first time he had had to hide out.
He flinched, tried to get even closer to the floor, whispering with a shaky voice. "Call them off. Alberto?"
Alberto? Interesting. Jonathan didn't stay down, he got himself back up and hurried across the chapel, looking around for what he needed and pocketing the medical supplies he might need to bring Edward down - if he wanted to. Strong if. He hurried back over to Edward but kept distance this time, just studying the effects as they came. He was so scared - God, what a turn on. He had to compartmentalise that part so he could focus but... also noted.
"Edward? They're coming." He wasn't sure who they were but he wanted to encourage the fantasy, to see where it was going.
"I know!" It was not Alberto's voice, he knew that. Or was it? Maybe it was. Either way, being afraid clearly didn't keep Edward from sounding fed up with people saying stupid things, not that that was a surprise. "They'll kill me. Not you."
A laugh came out like a sob and then sounded more desperately fearful still in the end, as another wave of fear hit him. "Keep me safe! Please!" His face was wet. He touched it, his fingers trembling. Tears? Damn. He shouldn't be pathetic. But he could only whimper when he thought he saw a shadow move again. "Please, please, please, no!"
Jonathan came closer and crawled on top of Edward, pinning him down as best he could and feeling the beginning of resistance, knowing that he didn't have long to act before Edward knocked him off. He tilted his head to the side and manually stuck a needle into his neck, something that ought to reduce the panic and shift the effects to a more moderate experience. Well, hopefully. Time to see how effective his father's 'fear cure' actually was.
"There we go, see. It's going to get better. Keep breathing." He reached out and wiped Edward's tears off his face, wanting to calm him down come. "Tell me when you're back in Georgia."
The needle was not helping him calm down. He looked up at nothing, his eyes terrified, grabbing Jonathan and wrapping both arms around him as he pulled him close, for comfort or as a shield. He felt a lot like Alberto, there was that. Too skinny. He kept his voice low, because they could be heard. They were right there. Assassins, killers, Victor Zsasz, all these people loyal to Falcone. "I'm yours. Don't waste me. Don't use me. I'm yours, I told you. Please."
His breathing was calming down, but still came out shaky. It wasn't easy to get out of this. He pressed his face against Jonathan's neck, trembling and trying to quiet his sobs.
So what exactly was Alberto? He assumed lover, if Edward's hints meant anything but what sort of power did this guy have? Must have been well connected. He didn't know what else to do so he let Edward stay attached to him as he slowly pulled himself upright, Edward awkwardly tangled in his arms until he finally got him into a more comfortable position.
He held him close and felt his pulse, listening to his breathing steady out. He'd be feeling this a while but as long as they got him out of hyperventilating, he'd be safe. "It's all right, Edward. I promise. It's all in your head." He hesitated before awkwardly attempting to pet Edward's hair. "It's all okay. Gonna take your home real soon. Promise. And you're gonna stay away from me, okay? For your own sake."
For a while, Edward just stayed there, arms around Jonathan, face against his neck, taking comfort where he could find it. But then some more awareness hit him, as the effects wore off, and he pulled away from him, scrambled backwards to bring some distance between them and pressed his lips together. He reached up to rub at his eyes, because the tears didn't want to stop. The fear might be ebbing away, but the sadness remained. He tried to muster up anger instead, glaring at Jonathan and feeling petulant. "Fuck you." There. That still held true.
"I did warn you not to come. I don't understand why you did but you were a willing volunteer, frankly." Jonathan dismissed, not willing to backdown. He looked at the empty syringe in his hand and then tossed it aside, impressed his father had found something worth of countering his fear toxin prototype. "It worked better than I expected. Thank you, Edward. I really appreciated this, it's going to work perfectly on my target."
He offered Edward a genuine smile, despite everything. He really did have an off sense of awareness. "Tell me when you feel like getting up." He could sit here all day if he had to. "I'll drive you back."
"Uh-huh. Right." Edward wanted to stop feeling like this, so he tried his usual ways of calming down, but his heart was still racing. He remembered the joint from before and got it out, needing a few tries to work his lighter, because his hands were shaking. He tossed it aside finally, grunting in frustration. Staring at Jonathan, he gestured at him. "Come on. I need fire. Be useful."
Jonathan got the lighter and sparked it up, coming closer to help light up Edward's joint for him. He came and sat beside him, shoulder to shoulder, looking up at the top of the chapel. It was starting to leak now - the rain must be getting stronger. "I spent a lot of my childhood here. There's a trap door just over there." Jonathan pointed left towards the side he told Edward not to go. "That's where he'd lock me for the experiments. Fear toxin would pump in and he'd tell me a new thing was in the dark with me. Spiders, puppets, zombies, monsters, my mother..."
He pulled out his cigarettes and lit one up for himself, leaning back as he exhaled smoke. "You got to create the problem to fix the problem. Can't fix fear without fear." Slowly, he turned to Edward and gave him a small frown. "I ain't -- normal. And not in a dramatic way, I'm just not. You gotta leave me alone, Edward. I can't control myself, I got issues and not in a fun way. You gotta watch yourself, son."
"Hm. It's creative, I'll give you that. My old man just asked what side of the belt I wanted." Pretty mundane. He knew a lot of others with that story. Now, this? He let himself fall back, lying down and pulling the joint from his lips to slowly exhale the smoke. His eyes looked at the joint, where some of his blood had dried. He must have bit his lip too hard. "Your issues are unique."
Kind of made him like him more. "But you are being dramatic too. Odds are, you're more scared of me than I'll ever be of you."
"Maybe. Don't disagree. I don't think you're scared of me, I just think I'm more capable of hurting you." Maybe not in a physical fight but he was more likely to go for the throat than Edward. That much was obvious to him now. He looked at Edward and studied him carefully for a few moments before he looked away, taking a deep inhale. "I'm not some rebound game to play cause you lost your Alberto."
He just wanted to make that clear. He had no idea who Alberto was but he didn't want to be the guy he fooled around with just because he was lonely. "I'm not that guy. Find another."
It did hurt, hearing him say that name. Being reminded of that name. Edward closed his eyes and tried to let the pain wash over him, while taking another drag. He let the smoke out slowly, finally just laughing, ending in what was more of a giggle. "Doesn't matter what I do, Jonny, you realise that yet? You won't just get over this. More than fear can haunt you. Maybe you'll learn now."
He turned to look at him, sitting up enough to lean back on his elbows, grinning. "The way you want me. That's not gonna stop."
He might be wrong about that. Honestly, he had no idea. But what he was sure of was that Jonathan worried over it. He could read him well enough for that. All he needed.
"I can always bury feelings, it's easier than you'd think." And he had to try, didn't he? Love was a weakness, for a start. Not an option for a man like him but then, the added problem, the fact that Edward was Edward. A man. God, why? Why did he have to feel any of this? Perhaps there was a drug out there to dull emotions? It had to be possible. "Besides, I never said I wanted you."
He did but he didn't at the same time, it was very all over the place. He looked up at the leaking ceiling and sighed, exhaling smoke upward. "I just want to be alone."
"I bet you wanna be alone. Be alone and think about me writhing for you." Edward snorted, ready to embrace this as his one way to lash out, with how on edge he still felt. He thrust his hips up a little, faking a moan as he let his head fall back down. "Oh, Jonathan, please!"
He ended up laughing, sitting up with the joint between his lips. "Won't be thinking of me alone. Not a good boy like you. Maybe you'll think of me in church, huh? Next time you wanna jerk off there."
"Your so crass. Get your ass up, Ed. Let's get going."
He pulled himself to his feet and held out his hand, offering to Edward. After all, it was going to be a long drive in the dark and in the rain - best to get a move on before it got too heavy. He had a feeling he'd be running around all night, trying to catch the rain from the roof. "I'll drop you off."
Really, Ed wanted to be petulant and walk, but he was in the middle of nowhere and it was raining, so all he could do was get up by his own damn self, smoke his joint and try and look so very over it. It was helping him that this wasn't his first panic attack, even if it was chemically induced and a whole lot more lively. He knew how to cope. Or how to pretend that he was coping, anyway. Inwardly, he still felt like curling up and crying in fear. "Your hypothesis is closer to being correct than your father's. I'll say that."
And with that he headed for the door, so he could get the hell out of here.
"Good to know. I'll be sure to thank you if I ever publish my findings."
Jonathan held the door open for Edward and let him sulk, let him be petulant and hoped against hope that he learned his lesson. No more hanging with weird old Jonathan. He unlocked his car and got inside, starting it up and expecting that Edward had little intent to talk to him the ride back - he was fine with that. Jonathan liked not to talk.
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icebergloungers2021-02-13 09:10 pm
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"Are you scared yet, Edward?" He moved around the stuff on the alter, pulling a wood box forward that he had stashed away here, in plain site, for the right opportunity. "Do you have a lot of fear? Any phobias? Just curious."
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Not quite scared, but there was something. His heart beating fast, his hands in his pockets, him chewing on his bottom lip, which tended to suffer when he felt anxious. Often bloody. But he wasn't even conscious of that right now. "What do you worship here, Jonny, hm?"
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Turning around suddenly, he sprayed something in Edward's face and kept going until the cannister ran low. No time to be sentimental, he had to know. He tried to warn him. "Fear is a gift, Edward. And I will prove him wrong. I just needed a guinea pig."
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What had he expected, really? The worrying thing was that he wasn't even that surprised. Now, the effects? Those would have been impossible to ready himself for. He heard someone's breath hitch, than realised it was him. Great. Hyperventilating. Panic attack. Seemed about right. He tried to calm himself, the way he had done often before, calculating in his head to find a pattern for his mind to latch onto.
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"Lower your head and breathe from the diaphragm, not the chest." Jonathan manually moved his head low and checked his pulse at the same time, mumbled to himself about what it meant as he finally tilted Edward's head up, looking into his eyes. "Fascinating." They were fully dilated. He licked his lips, excited. "Edward, tell me what you see. The hallucinogenic will start up soon or perhaps they already have. It's vital you tell me when you start seeing things."
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He flinched, tried to get even closer to the floor, whispering with a shaky voice. "Call them off. Alberto?"
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"Edward? They're coming." He wasn't sure who they were but he wanted to encourage the fantasy, to see where it was going.
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A laugh came out like a sob and then sounded more desperately fearful still in the end, as another wave of fear hit him. "Keep me safe! Please!" His face was wet. He touched it, his fingers trembling. Tears? Damn. He shouldn't be pathetic. But he could only whimper when he thought he saw a shadow move again. "Please, please, please, no!"
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"There we go, see. It's going to get better. Keep breathing." He reached out and wiped Edward's tears off his face, wanting to calm him down come. "Tell me when you're back in Georgia."
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His breathing was calming down, but still came out shaky. It wasn't easy to get out of this. He pressed his face against Jonathan's neck, trembling and trying to quiet his sobs.
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He held him close and felt his pulse, listening to his breathing steady out. He'd be feeling this a while but as long as they got him out of hyperventilating, he'd be safe. "It's all right, Edward. I promise. It's all in your head." He hesitated before awkwardly attempting to pet Edward's hair. "It's all okay. Gonna take your home real soon. Promise. And you're gonna stay away from me, okay? For your own sake."
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He offered Edward a genuine smile, despite everything. He really did have an off sense of awareness. "Tell me when you feel like getting up." He could sit here all day if he had to. "I'll drive you back."
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He pulled out his cigarettes and lit one up for himself, leaning back as he exhaled smoke. "You got to create the problem to fix the problem. Can't fix fear without fear." Slowly, he turned to Edward and gave him a small frown. "I ain't -- normal. And not in a dramatic way, I'm just not. You gotta leave me alone, Edward. I can't control myself, I got issues and not in a fun way. You gotta watch yourself, son."
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Kind of made him like him more. "But you are being dramatic too. Odds are, you're more scared of me than I'll ever be of you."
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He just wanted to make that clear. He had no idea who Alberto was but he didn't want to be the guy he fooled around with just because he was lonely. "I'm not that guy. Find another."
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He turned to look at him, sitting up enough to lean back on his elbows, grinning. "The way you want me. That's not gonna stop."
He might be wrong about that. Honestly, he had no idea. But what he was sure of was that Jonathan worried over it. He could read him well enough for that. All he needed.
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He did but he didn't at the same time, it was very all over the place. He looked up at the leaking ceiling and sighed, exhaling smoke upward. "I just want to be alone."
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He ended up laughing, sitting up with the joint between his lips. "Won't be thinking of me alone. Not a good boy like you. Maybe you'll think of me in church, huh? Next time you wanna jerk off there."
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He pulled himself to his feet and held out his hand, offering to Edward. After all, it was going to be a long drive in the dark and in the rain - best to get a move on before it got too heavy. He had a feeling he'd be running around all night, trying to catch the rain from the roof. "I'll drop you off."
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And with that he headed for the door, so he could get the hell out of here.
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Jonathan held the door open for Edward and let him sulk, let him be petulant and hoped against hope that he learned his lesson. No more hanging with weird old Jonathan. He unlocked his car and got inside, starting it up and expecting that Edward had little intent to talk to him the ride back - he was fine with that. Jonathan liked not to talk.