"I let you take me if you swear to never tell anyone about that." Harvey warned as he pointed at Ed. "I think my dad would have a heart attack if he ever found out." Harvey couldn't really be anything but the stereotypical overachieving jock, there was no room for theatre or 'faggy bullshit' as his dad called it.
"They're not the best at team work, my lot, but they can pull it together." Sometimes. Seldom. They really did co-ordinate well with bullying. "Theatre is a team sport. That's what's cool about it. That and the singing."
"There's a star. That's what's cool about it. Come on, Harvey. It's just the two of us here, no one's listening. You're telling me there's not a part of you that feels the swell of pride knowing you're the best on the team?" Humble as he well might be, Edward refused to believe there was no ego there. Otherwise, why would he be so scared of failing? Had to be taking some pride in it.
"It comes out sometimes with you. The cockiness. You should embrace it more, it's quite attractive." Or maybe that was projecting. Whatever, still worked for him.
"Well, yeah, I guess but... I think being too cocky is dangerous. It's like-- it's sort... okay, you're about to think I'm really dumb so remember how handsome I am, yeah?" Harvey joked with a small shrug, ruffling his hand a little bashfully. He wondered how much Edward would think he was an idiot. "I believe in fate. And karma. I think that you drive your own destiny with choices. And when you're too cocky or too arrogant, the downfall ain't too far away."
It was simple, things were either good or bad and drifting into the bad made the path worse. Of course, random chance played a role too. He had been good before but the coin went against him. "Pride comes before a fall. I don't want to fall, Ed. I'm worried about getting myself back up."
"I see." Interesting viewpoint. "Personally, I believe in a much simpler correlation. I'm full of myself because I'm better than others and since I don't bother hiding that fact, they get envious, angry and--- Well, violent, more often than not. Don't think that's fate, I'm just the type. Cruising for a bruising, if you will."
Edward laughed, indicating his eye with one hand and then looking at Harvey again. "I suppose it makes more sense from your position. I've never been allowed to be as high up as you. I always get shoved down. You, on the other hand, Apollo?" He raised his eyebrows and conceded the point. "Makes sense. Have to pretend to be humble so us poor mortals don't covet you too much."
"Don't call me Apollo, it's weird." He never liked Apollo or being seen as on top or any of those things. He didn't think he was above anyone, he was just trying to live his life and excel. He didn't want to be a Narrows kid, he wanted to be something better. He wanted to make a difference and keep people safe. People like Eddie. And himself.
"I don't really -- Ah, makes me sound bad, pretend to be humble. I'm trying my best to not be a dick, that's all." He didn't want to be like his dad, full of ego and brags, proud of being stronger and unable to see his flaws. Harvey kept himself in check. He was a bad person trying to live like a good person.
"Do you ever think--" Harvey stopped himself and pulled a face. "Nah, never mind."
"I know. I know it's not pretence with you. Just like I know you're really sweet and you really care." Edward shrugged, having accepted that by now. Although he felt there was more to it, that edge of desperation. The fear of failure that he'd seen so clearly. And the smouldering anger beneath it all, enough to frighten him. Enough to intrigue him. Well, Ed knew he was drawn to danger. "Do I ever think, Harvey? Please. I do little else some days and still get more done than most."
Edward looked at him from the side, curious. He could not let things go. "What, Harvey? Do I ever think what? You can ask me. I love questions."
"Do you think your head can, like, I don't know. Have two thoughts every time something happens? Like a good one and a bad one. Like two different ... paths. Not like after a bit of time, you think, just like in the moment. Like two different voices in your head. Not like a crazy voice, like when you think and -- this is coming out super weird." Harvey sighed and then held his hands up, shaking his head. "Never mind, I think I'm overthinking. You're not the only one prone to it."
As they reached the pizza place they always split off at, Harvey took a step away from Ed. "Promise you're gonna come to the game so I can go home with a bounce in my step, yeah?" A better topic, an easier topic.
This was fascinating. Edward looked at Harvey as he tried to analyse what he'd just told him, wanting to suss it out. Almost wanting to discuss it with Jonathan, but that didn't feel like the right thing to do. Which was a strange thought in and on itself, because Edward had long since decided that he considered himself beyond morals.
"I'll come to the game. I'll bring a book, but I'll come." He turned to look at Harvey, reaching out to put both hands on his shoulders. "For the record, Harvey. Sweet Harvey."
He caught his eyes and smiled. "If you have a devil and an angel on your shoulder, I don't think it'd hurt to indulge the devil a bit more sometimes. Take off the pressure, find a release. Just a tip from your resident demon."
"You really are my demon, eh? I'll see you tomorrow, Ed." Harvey impulsively pulled Edward in and gave him a hug. A manly hug, of course, lots of slapping and very tight but he appreciated Ed. He wanted to be close to him in that moment, he could never get that close to people but Ed, he could.
Besides, Ed always smelled great. That aftershave was real nice.
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icebergloungers2021-10-21 08:54 pm
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"They're not the best at team work, my lot, but they can pull it together." Sometimes. Seldom. They really did co-ordinate well with bullying. "Theatre is a team sport. That's what's cool about it. That and the singing."
no subject
"It comes out sometimes with you. The cockiness. You should embrace it more, it's quite attractive." Or maybe that was projecting. Whatever, still worked for him.
no subject
It was simple, things were either good or bad and drifting into the bad made the path worse. Of course, random chance played a role too. He had been good before but the coin went against him. "Pride comes before a fall. I don't want to fall, Ed. I'm worried about getting myself back up."
no subject
Edward laughed, indicating his eye with one hand and then looking at Harvey again. "I suppose it makes more sense from your position. I've never been allowed to be as high up as you. I always get shoved down. You, on the other hand, Apollo?" He raised his eyebrows and conceded the point. "Makes sense. Have to pretend to be humble so us poor mortals don't covet you too much."
no subject
"I don't really -- Ah, makes me sound bad, pretend to be humble. I'm trying my best to not be a dick, that's all." He didn't want to be like his dad, full of ego and brags, proud of being stronger and unable to see his flaws. Harvey kept himself in check. He was a bad person trying to live like a good person.
"Do you ever think--" Harvey stopped himself and pulled a face. "Nah, never mind."
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Edward looked at him from the side, curious. He could not let things go. "What, Harvey? Do I ever think what? You can ask me. I love questions."
no subject
As they reached the pizza place they always split off at, Harvey took a step away from Ed. "Promise you're gonna come to the game so I can go home with a bounce in my step, yeah?" A better topic, an easier topic.
no subject
"I'll come to the game. I'll bring a book, but I'll come." He turned to look at Harvey, reaching out to put both hands on his shoulders. "For the record, Harvey. Sweet Harvey."
He caught his eyes and smiled. "If you have a devil and an angel on your shoulder, I don't think it'd hurt to indulge the devil a bit more sometimes. Take off the pressure, find a release. Just a tip from your resident demon."
no subject
Besides, Ed always smelled great. That aftershave was real nice.
He pulled away and half smiled. "Till next time."