icebergloungers | growing pains

"Are you? I thought that was part of the big, scary, macho-man routine." Ed hadn't quite explored with himself just how he felt about Harvey getting angry. It definitely caused a reaction in him, but whether it turned him on or was too closely linked to the way his father could get in his mind or whether it was that link that somehow made it exciting, that was the kind of father issue he didn't want to explore, even theoretically, while in the closet with a nervous Harvey Dent.

Honestly, 'nervous' was kind of underselling it. "You know that you have panic attacks, right? Something like that, anyway. I doubt that's what you're supposed to have. What are you so scared of?"

Failure, he supposed. He could relate, kind of, but he was pretty sure he'd be just fine. He was too full of himself to be that scared of failing.

"Nah, it's nothing like that. I just get angry. That's why I lose my breath. It's not that big of a deal, doesn't happen that often." Harvey didn't think something like this was a problem. Problems were bigger, harder to tackle and definitely not getting embarrassingly angry for no good reason. Shit, he was like a fucking toddler. What was wrong with him? Where was his impulse control? "It's not macho to be that bad at handling your shit."

With a sigh, he moved around the storage room and idly browsed the products on the shelf so he had something to do besides this.

"I don't really get scared. Honestly, not really. Can't remember the last time." He didn't really have any fears or phobias, just things he didn't like. "Mostly I just got a temper."

"Fear and anger are closer together than most people think. Very similar hormones, for one thing. And similar symptoms too, to a degree. But you..." Leaning his head back, Edward quoted, as he was wont to do, with having entirely too much stored away in his head. "While fear leads us to feel vulnerable and not in control, anger can be energizing and empowering. As such, it can become the go-to reaction to experiencing fear. Unlike fear, it moves us toward the source of our anger."

Smiling a little bit, Edward shrugged. "What's the source of your anger then, Harv? Because all you've done is walk in here with me. Think you barely even remember doing that."

Or he would have said something about him breaking the lock.

"I wasn't paying that much attention. Come on, Ed. I don't want to talk feelings. That's such bullshit. I'm fine. No fear, no deeper meanings." He didn't want to get into that whole thing, he felt like people talked too much about how they felt when they could use speaking way less about it, honestly. "I was just pissed cause I fucked up when I practised. I didn't pay attention to what we were doing before cause I didn't give a shit."

Harvey shrugged and turned around to Edward, not really looking that interesting in taking a deep dive into his mind and issues.

"Be a normal friend and offer to find a way to get me beer so we can drink tonight and forget my baggage."

"Oh yeah. Alcohol's a really good idea when you've got anger issues." Edward smirked, rubbing at a fading bruise on his chin and doing so rather purposefully, because he felt that he had to poke at it a little. Harvey's mind. It was a bit of a riddle, sure, that did draw him in, but mostly it was that he kept being told not to. Who could resist that? "I can score you some beer. Won't be hard."

Well, if his damn jock friends could do it, why couldn't he? "I can get you harder stuff too. Really get to the root of that anger."

"Or we drink, we listen to good music and we have a nice time. No one gets angry." Harvey thought that sounded like a way better idea. "We can hang around my neighbourhood, I'm not touching the Narrows when drunk. The place is just too fucked up." He knew it well, living just outside of it and having many friends who came from that area but dear God, he could not deal with the sheer level of crazy a night drinking there would bring.

His side of Gotham wasn't exactly nicer, nowhere in Gotham was that nice, but it was less crazy and more organised. Very mafia heavy. "Maybe it's all bullshit or in my head but it feels better when I have a drink with friends and stop thinking."

"Why wouldn't it? Makes you think less. That's why idiots tend to be happier. Also drunker." Why half the Narrows was alcoholics, and that was really being generous. Mostly because he knew some couldn't afford the booze. He wondered whether he should worry about that, if his friend already felt he needed alcohol to feel better. Not the nicest idea, was it? "I don't get that. I'd like to try out acid. Ecstasy. That kind of stuff."

He just wanted to send his mind into overdrive. "Maybe mushrooms."

"No, come on. Don't do that. It's illegal. I know, I know, getting bear under 21 is too but it's the good kind of illegal. Just a harmless crime. Drugs are weirder, you know? You could get really fucked up on that kind of thing." Harvey never did any drugs, even if a lot of his friends did. Most of the sports teams, they player smoked weed or had steroids. It seemed like way too much for him, bended too many of the rules he set himself.

"I should probably go back out. Kinda weird, you know - the two of us, hiding in a closet. People are gonna think we're making out." Harvey laughed at the stupidity of it but hey, it did seem dodgy.

What a thought. Edward looked to the side, because he had stared at Harvey's lips often enough that he could conjure the image up without having to watch them right now and make things awkward. Even so, there was that nagging voice. It had been Harvey to bring it up. Why would be bring it up if there wasn't any part of him thinking about it? Damn.

More to ponder later. "You should be so lucky. Jocks aren't my type." He smirked and got up, checking his watch. Not that much time, at least Harvey had calmed faster this time. "Well, go out and be straight then. I'll see you later."

And read a book or something, because no way was he watching that boring game.

"No, come on, not later. Now. Be there. You can read or whatever! Boo me or something but come on, watch me play. You never do." Harvey complained as he reached out and put his hands onto Edward's shoulder, leaning in closer than he honestly needed to. "Come and watch and afterwards, I'll treat you or something, yeah? You get the booze, I'll buy dinner and I'll get you a new book. Under 10 dollars."

Cause he only had 10 dollars so it was easy to set a limit. "You know you wanna come and cheer me on."

Was there anything in this world that could make Ed watch sports?

"Cheer you on? Sorry, missing the skirt and the pom-poms for that." Ah, at least his voice came out dry and sarcastic, even if his mind had thought the momentary detour into a fictional land where he was the star player's love interest, wearing his jacket and kissing him after victory was somehow necessary, even though it very much wasn't. His heart was beating fast and he had to meet Harvey's eyes and, damn. It really wasn't fair. "I can sit on the bleachers. Just make sure to be good, then I'll look up when people chant your name or something."

"Then I'll play the best I've ever played if I can at least get your eyes on a ball game for all of five seconds. You'll learn to love sports, Ed. I'm gonna teach you." He had been trying for a year now and it still hadn't clicked but hell, he wasn't giving up. He shoved the door open and held it open for Edward, seeming much happier now. "See, who needs a cheerleader. I got -- whatever you are. Nerdy best friend who might look up once."

Way better than a cheerleader.

"I've got nicer legs than half of those cheerleaders. At least." Well, he was just saying. Not that he wasn't nerdy, but he didn't want his physical attributes to be entirely neglected. Walking out, he felt that urge to take Harvey's hand, but naturally resisted.

Sometimes the idea of touching Harvey just came entirely too natural. It was a dangerous path to go down on, he knew that. "You need to get a cheerleader girlfriend already, then I don't have to drag my ass to these things."

"Girls are tiring. Well, no, I don't know if it's girls or just that I get tired of girls. I feel bad breaking up with them so I hate dating. Never goes well." He dated on and off since he was 10 but for him, he just didn't really connect with people. It wasn't the girls fault, they tried a lot but he just couldn't seem to find a way to fall in love and care about these girls in a way that a boyfriend should care. "I'll stick with you, Eddie. It's a lot harder to fuck up with you."

And with that, he casually threw his arm around Edward's shoulders, making that contact that Edward didn't want to make. Sure, it was no holding hands but he liked to be close to Ed. Felt good.

"Uh-huh. Charming." It wasn't fair, really, that every other jock was just not really much to him, but here was Harvey and he smelled good. He felt good too. He didn't have any of the mannerisms that put him off the others. He wasn't a little slow or vacant. He was strong, but in a good way. In that ridiculous way where Edward wanted to lean against his chest. What a nightmare.

Or the opposite of a nightmare and very much not what he needed. "Maybe I'll date. I might be way better at it than you."

Couldn't be that hard. If only he could stop wanting Harvey. Why wasn't his mind in control here?

"I think you need a girl that's different from you, you know? Not a nerd or super smart. Like smart but not crazy insane smart like you. The best thing about love is that it brings new perspectives and I think you need that in your life." Harvey pointed out, happy to lecture him on what sort of date that he wanted Eddie to have. He liked the idea of Ed being happy and in love. Maybe not with just anyone. He'd have to approve first - for sure.

"What's your type?" He wasn't sure what kind of girl Ed would be into. "I can keep an eye out."

"Not an idiot," Ed said drily, although he did realise that Harvey hadn't really been describing that. Harvey had been describing himself, or maybe that was just what Ed heard, because it was what he wanted to hear. Yeah, that seemed about right. "I like the bad girls, Harv, you wouldn't notice those."

He laughed, thinking about some of the girls that had caught his eye in the past. Yeah, no. That was so not Harvey's type. "We'll get an angel, devil theme going, you and I."

"I've noticed them, they're just not my type. I don't want to get myself into any trouble I can't handle. Love is always trouble. Like you. You're always trouble too." No relation for the two concepts, but in his head, it made total sense. Love and Ed: both very troubling and in very similar ways. He supposed he was a bit too straightlaced for the sort of girls Edward was thinking about.

"So one day, we get an apartment together somewhere nice and we just put tape down the middle - one side is heavy metal gothic badboy vibes and the other is more conservative and bright." Sounded like a fun idea, honestly. "I like it. I like duality."

"You would, wouldn't you?" It did come out sometimes. When Harvey was, as he put it, angry, and the things he'd say then. What he was like then. A big, red flag, Edward supposed, for most people. Personally? It had drawn him in further. Love and trouble. Yeah, he could follow that thought process just fine. "I think flirting can be fun. But flirting with danger? That's thrilling. Who doesn't love a thrill?"

Maybe not little Harvey, who freaked out over making a small mistake. Maybe not him.

growing pains

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