won't you take me by the hand

[3rs]

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[3rs]

"Hm." Edward rose to his feet, then lifted his shoulders a little in a shrug, slowly making his way over to Jonathan. They hadn't talked since then, but he wasn't surprised. Jonathan was good at compartmentalising.

"You can just keep on reading," he offered, as he knelt down in front of him. He folded his forearms across of Jonathan's lap, resting his head on them. "I'll just be here too."

[jonboy]

"... Oh for fuck sake, Edward. Are you for real? You just gonna keep harping on about this?" He was hoping they could go back to normal, not discuss it, not get into it but apparently Edward really could not let this go. Reaching out, he put his hand on Edward's forehead and purposefully pushed his head back so he could meet his damn eyes. "I asked you not to play and you damn well gotta, don't you?"

Cause that was what this was. Another fucking game. "Can't you let anything go?"

[3rs]

"I mean... Probably not." If he was being honest, which he tended to be. He looked at Jonathan, still not ready to simply back off. Obviously, given he had literally locked them in here. "But this is different anyway. This isn't just anything, is it? This is important. This could change us. That doesn't have to be a bad thing."

Honestly, he had been overthinking it a lot since it happened, so he was halfway convinced it could be a good thing. "Jonathan. I am not playing, I am taking this seriously." Clearly. "So. Do I turn you on?"

[jonboy]

"You're just seeking validation from me." And he hated that, he wanted to be special, not another empty round of applause for Edward and his ego. He was only something to chase now because he wanted that validation and approval and Jonathan wasn't just giving it away easily. He looked at Edward and sighed, reaching out and stroking his hair, pushing it back from his face idly as he did so. "Don't ask me shit like that. I don't wanna answer it."

Edward did, of course he did, but he didn't want to say it. That was putting himself out there for rejection and that kinda sucked.

[3rs]

Edward sighed and, yes, he realised that it took a lot of nerve for him to be the one sounding exasperated right now, but he couldn't help it. This was a lot of work. However, he also understood it. "The reason that I am not letting this go, Jonathan, is not because you are just another challenge."

He did understand why Jonathan thought as much. "It's because when you brush your fingers through my hair like you just did, I feel like my nerve endings are standing at attention. Like an electric shock, if those could feel pleasant. Do you follow?"

[jonboy]

"It's just hard to tell these days, you're more confident, you learned about people and now you gotta play. I just figured sooner or later, I'd be the next game." He just wished he wouldn't be. And maybe he wasn't, maybe Edward meant it but he had more to lose by admitting he liked Edward - he wasn't hot, like he'd rebound! And he'd never find more friends. Not in a million years.

"I got one friend and he makes me fucking crazy, my heart is hammering like a rabbit in a trap and I dunno what to tell him. What do you do, Ed? You have one friend. One thing that's good. Do you gamble it?" Edward was too special to gamble on.

[3rs]

"Jonathan. I am never going to stop being your friend. That's just not going to happen. Whatever else happens between us or between me and anyone else, that one fact is irreversible. You are my friend. You matter to me, more than anyone." Edward kept looking right at him, hoping that he would accept this. "I may get mad at you, you may get mad at me. Maybe we'll hurt each other. Maybe we'll be toxic. But I'll never stop being your friend. I couldn't."

Not that he wanted to, either. "...also, do rabbits hammer in a trap? What do they do?"

[jonboy]

"You ever seen a rabbit snared? Their hearts beat like crazy and they pound their feet on the floor to warn off the others. Not a pretty sight, especially not if it got 'em around the neck." Jonathan mused, focusing on that because it was easier to focus on that. He shrugged his shoulders, not sure how to answer, even now. The idea of staying friends forever just seemed unlikely in so many ways that he didn't trust it.

But then, maybe there was more to gain from trying than letting the opportunity slip by. "You're handsome, you annoying bastard. Of course you turn me on."

[3rs]

"Where would I have seen a rabbit snared? I've never even seen a rabbit." Oh, Jonathan. His beloved hick. Edward considered this newfound knowledge for a bit, but mostly he was watching Jonathan, trying to read him. Trying to anticipate and to stay in control of the conversation, something that had gone so very off the rails last time.

And then Jonathan said that and he felt his face heat up, even if he did manage to maintain a cocky smile. "Good. Very good." Well, he had discussed with Echo what his minimum baseline for this was. "You turn me on too. I've had a lot of time to think about it. You are a good kisser, did you know that?"

[jonboy]

"No but I think it'd be weird if I did know. I would have to have kissed before. You're my first kiss. Well, no, a girl in Georgia kissed me when I was seven for a dare but I didn't really kiss back." Jonathan mused, unsure why he was oversharing that wonderful piece of information but to him, Edward was his first kiss because he actually acted in return. "I don't have any experience, I just wanted you to pay attention. Glad it worked."

He did have to admit that he was curious so that was why he had to ask. "Did you mind the smoke taste? Be honest, you barely noticed it, right?"

[3rs]

"No, I did notice it. But the bourbon and also the emotional and hormonal upheaval I was experiencing did serve as a distraction. However, you are never going to get me to pretend to not mind your damn cigarettes. Thoroughly unpleasant." Edward maturely stuck his tongue out, to really illustrate his disgust. "If you have to smoke before kissing me, the least you could do is make it kinky."

Whatever he meant by that.

[jonboy]

"Blow it up your ass?" Jonathan couldn't resist the joke, smirking playfully at Edward as he played with his hair, looking down at him and idly wondering if his knees hurt. Edward did love to commit to the bit, didn't he? "But I get what you mean. You like when I blow it in your face with purpose. I noticed." Whenever he did it a certain way, he noticed Edward inhale and hitch his breath, going a bit red. He liked it.

"I dunno what to do here, Ed. I'm gonna be honest, cards on the table." Did they date? Did they make out? Did they discuss terms? What even were the terms?

[3rs]

"There's an option." Well, he didn't think it'd do much, but hey. One never knew. He hadn't thought he'd be into at least half the stuff Echo had suggested and so far he had mostly found that he apparently had a lot fewer limits than could be healthy.

But that was so not the most important thing right now. What to do? Right. "I took a lot of tests to determine what we should do, but turns out that these tests are garbage and we don't fit norms. Quite the fun way to pass time, however."

So it wasn't a total loss. "What matter is whether it is love or lust. Or both. And then there is the question of--" Edward wiggled his fingers a little. "Monogamy."

[jonboy]

"So can you keep fucking your girlfriend and fool around with me on the side?" Jonathan wasn't sure what the deal was here but he didn't love it. He assumed Edward would hate monogamy and honestly, he didn't know how much he wanted it himself. It would be nice to have a break from Edward but then he had to always know that he wasn't the most important one. That kind of sucked.

"I'm open, don't get me wrong, just wanna know where I stand." He had a lot of wiggle room, he wasn't even sure what to do about any of this. "Though being in an open gay relationship is like everything my father ever feared for me so it does appeal for that reason alone."

[3rs]

"Oh, I know. Although in the case of my dad, I'm not even sure if he'd hate that more or that I can actually get a hot young girl." Wait, that wasn't going well either. Edward shrugged and chuckled, then shook his head a little. He did shift his weight, but it wasn't as if he wasn't essentially sitting on the floor by now anyway, plenty comfortable.

"I don't know anything for sure either, when it comes to this. But what I do know is that how I feel for you doesn't compare to whatever I have with her. So. I imagine that whatever I have with you? It's always going to trump any other connection. She knows you come first. Everyone else would too. They'd have to be blind."

[jonboy]

"I guess it makes living together easier too. I don't have to worry if you'll bring a girl over all the damn time." Especially if they were dating and all. He frowned as he thought it over and then finally, he settled on what he thought. As much as he could, anyway. "Like with all experiments, you can work it out in theory. I suppose we have to see what happens. Experiment."

Jonathan wasn't sure how but he knew that if they was going to work, they had to find their footing and work it out from there. To find their way while doing.

[3rs]

"I wouldn't want to hurt you. So. If you tell me that you want to-- To be my only--" Edward broke off, ran a hand through his hair, sighed and ended up chuckling, shaking his head. "I'm sorry, there is no way to talk about this without sounding sappy. I haven't experienced it yet, jealousy. I don't really care what Echo does with whoever, for example. But if you'd care, I won't want to be the one to hurt you. I don't really want to be the one to hurt you, period."

He paused, then grinned. "Unless you are into that."

[jonboy]

"You're sweet. That's dangerous, Ed. Better watch that. I'll tell you if you piss me off, I always do. Promise." He smiled a little as he reached out and tilted Edward's chin up, sealing their deal with a kiss. "Promise to do the same." That was all he wanted. For them to not fuck up and hate each other - he had one person in his life and one person alone, he didn't want to lose him.

"You know, we really need cash to get an apartment some day soon. Would be easier to experiment. Besides, I'm a little bored of home life, you know?" It was too toxiny and chaotic - and besides, he couldn't get laid there.

[3rs]

"I know. I've been thinking about it." He licked his lips, as if wanting to savour the feel of Jonathan on there. "You know, when I've not been thinking about you. Luckily I have a lot of brain capacity. I can be horny and still plot. Sometimes plotting makes me horny."

Wicked circle, that. "I have thought of a few ways to make money. Varying degrees of legality, mostly in direct disproportion to how profitable they'd be."

[jonboy]

"You think? Cause I can't think of any way to make a decent wage these days, can't even get a dishwashing job without it being linked to the mafia." Jonathan preferred to be neutral, some Narrows kids took a side but Jonathan had no intention to. Which made finding work hard. He did want to make drugs but as a random kid, he'd be shut down too fast and too painfully to make it worth it. Really, he had no options.

Interestingly, Edward did. "Think you could afford rent?"

[3rs]

"The net, Jonny, computers. I've told you, that's where it's at. If I had a decent computer to work with, I could make a good living without issue. As it is-- Maybe enough." Legality was an issue, but not an issue he was too concerned with, if he was honest. "If you don't mind starting out in a crap hole, I can afford it."

He paused for a moment, then laughed. "Does that make me your sugar daddy? Ohh, you're my armcandy."

[jonboy]

"I don't mind a crap hole, you've seen where I live." Well, he saw the door but that was enough, really. Said it all, right down to the black mold growing on the outside walls. It was even worse inside. He leaned back in his seat, pondered Edward's question before settling on a correct answer. I prefer partner or boyfriend but if you have to be crude, I suppose the first. Though I would never call you daddy."

The very idea was horrifying for many reasons. "Not my kink, just fyi."

[3rs]

"Oh, yes, I figured. Not mine either. I believe I could swing 'master'. Or 'sir'. Quite like that." Just in theory, he hadn't really tested that out, but it was stimulating to think about. "My boyfriend." That sounded sweet, he kind of liked it. Even if Jonathan had basically reprimanded him for being sweet before. Whatever, he would be as sweet as he wanted to be. And as spicy. "What is your kink, Jonny? Or kinks."

Case in point.

[jonboy]

"I dunno, I never thought about it. I'm not bullshitting you, just didn't." Jonathan couldn't think of anything that immediately came to mind though he did take a moment to think it over, licking his lips slowly. "I like to watch horror movies, about the only darn thing I watch and there's usually a scene were someone is gonna die and they're so fucking scared, they start whimpering, sobbing, screaming - I guess that turns me on. Same in books, actually." He knew that was fucked up but that was the only time his dick ever stirred. "It ain't the stabby murder parts, mind. It's just the noise. I love the sound of fear."

Looking at Edward, he raised an eyebrow. "I assume you have a lot so shoot. What do you want to do? Maybe I can get into anything."

[3rs]

"Oh, I'm still experimenting. I suppose I like playing. You know that. I like manipulating. Turning someone on, giving them what they want, that's just an aspect of that, isn't it?" Eddie didn't think there was too much of a difference between that and just using his charm to get an extra roll in the cafeteria.

Although, admittedly, this could be a lot more fun. Whether that meant barking a little for Echo or-- He closed his eyes for a moment, then reached up to run all ten fingers through his hair, centring himself. He did like acting. "Say something scary?" Well, he wanted a cue.