won't you take me by the hand

[3rs]

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[jonboy]

"I don't know how to, I just need-- I need cigarettes, can you get me some? We need to get some and it'll calm me, I can talk but I can't think like I am." He was very aware that thinking right now was not really possible, he couldn't bring himself to calm down. He swallowed hard and held onto Edward's arm, jerking his head to the side. "Let's go to the off-licence. Your fake ID works, right? I got --" He fumbled in his pockets and pulled out a small handful of crumpled bills he'd stolen from his father. "A twenty. Cigarettes and cheap whiskey, okay? Please."

He really needed something to take the edge off. "If I go in like this, they won't serve me."

[3rs]

"...fine, I'll do it." Not that he wanted to. He hated the smell of cigarettes - and cheap booze for that matter - both associated with his father. But the combination of the despair in Jonathan's voice and entire demeanour and his own curiosity to find out more worked wonders and so he stuffed the bills into his own pockets and kept walking with Jonathan, unsure what was the right thing to do. "You need to actually eat something too, Jonny. Promise you will after I get you the stuff."

[jonboy]

"Fine, I'll eat. I ate earlier, just didn't stick." He kept walking with Edward and as they got closer to the people and the road, Jonathan started wincing more and closing his eyes, his hand raising to his head. "It's not real, it's not real." He whispered to himself, quiet and careful, knowing he had to keep control. He would come down from this, eventually, he just had to keep himself in reality. "It's not real."

As they hit the store, Jonathan turned away from the road and face the wall, leaning against it as best he could. "I'll wait here."

[3rs]

Eddie just nodded, not sure what to say for once, so he said nothing. He walked into the store and tried to look as little like someone who shouldn't be here buying booze and cigarettes as he possibly could. Luckily, the clerk didn't really give a damn anyway and it was minutes later that he was back outside, holding his purchases out to Jonathan. "There you go. Now calm the fuck down or I'm gonna have to get creative."

[jonboy]

"I'll calm myself, don't you worry. It's just a lot, there's a lot in me. I think over half the dose." Jonathan exhaled as he pulled out the cigarettes and lit one up with his lighter, walking towards the alleyway so they could get off the street and into something smaller and quieter. Jonathan crouched down on the floor and exhaled smoke out as he slowly tried to calm himself down.

"Things with my father are getting rapidly out of hand. You need to watch yourself, Edward. Be careful. If you see any adults at night when you're lurking about, fucking run the other way. Okay? Cause I ain't shitting you, this is bad."

[3rs]

"No kidding." Of course he had to use sarcasm here, because he was looking down at his best friend, his only real friend, and he was a wreck and he didn't know how to help him. Half the dose. What exactly was in that damn serum that Jonathan's father peddled around the city? He had been wondering for a while, but then it had been strangers being affected. This was different. Maybe if he could get his hands on it, he could figure out a way to help Jonathan. "You should worry about yourself. I'm fine. I know when to run."

[jonboy]

"No, you don't. That's the trouble with you, Ed. Too curious. You always wanted to understand what was going on in my home, I could tell. The questions you asked, your interest in my father. You don't want to know what he'd do to you." He'd probably melt Edward's brain using his as a trial. Jonathan opened the bottle and knocked back some whiskey, sitting it aside as he inhaled more smoke. "When I was a boy, I was in a lot of my father's early research. On fear and phobias. He was working on a study about how phobias came out in children, how to enhance them and how to cure them. Course we only got to the enhancing part for a good long while. He'd lock me in dark rooms, small places, tamper with my bike or abandon me on the roadside to see how I coped. They're all trials, you know? Gotta learn to conquer that fear."

Jonathan looked at Edward, not sure how to best explain all of this to him. "Turns out experimenting on your child can get you kicked out of scientific circles. Didn't stop his research though."

[3rs]

It was rare that Jonathan talked this much in one go. Usually on the topic of fear, honestly, so maybe it wasn't too surprising that this was what made him do it now. And this talk probably explained why he was so obsessed with the concept. Not all of this was news to Edward entirely, because Jonathan was right. Of course he never knew how to leave well enough alone. He had hacked into the place where Mr Crane had conducted his research before. He had been able to make a connection or two. It was very different to hear Jonathan recite it like that. "I'm sorry, Jon. That's-- That's horrible."

He wasn't sure what else to say to that. "There has to be a way to stop it."

[jonboy]

"My father is going to cure me. It's his life's work. It's the will of the Lord. Who are you to argue with the Lord?" Jonathan parroted as he puffed out more smoke, slumping against the wall until he was just sitting on the ground, trying to work out where to go from here. "I'm not telling you this cause we're gonna team up and fix it. I can deal, I know how. I don't want you involved. I'm telling you so you know what sort of person my father is. Stop any interest, don't take anything from anyone that looks even remotely chemical and do not go into the Narrows at night."

He didn't care about what he had at home, he could contain that and handle it alone. It was just Edward. He had to make it very clear to him how dangerous this was. "It's not safe for you. Stay the fuck away from my family, okay?" He swallowed hard and took a swig of his drink. "Hell, maybe you should just stay away from me."

[3rs]

"I'm not going to stay away from you, Jonathan. You get that? Not ever." Edward didn't like the thought alone, so his response came sharp and immediate. He knew it was pointless to get agitated over his friend's words when he was in such a state, but it was upsetting, so he couldn't help getting emotional. "I'm not letting anyone get between you and me. So just drink your damn whiskey and finish that cigarette, it reeks."

[jonboy]

"You're such a prissy boy about this shit." Jonathan smirked as he blew the rest of his smoke off to the side and stubbed it out on the floor, flicking it away from them. He knocked back another mouthful of whiskey and then set it aside, pulling a face. "This stuff is fucking gross, tastes like piss. I always preferred bourbon. Good old southern bourbon. You could buy two bottles for a ten back home, real good stuff." Gotham didn't really have that many people brewing booze like Georgia though. It made sense.

He looked at Edward and smiled apologetically. "I just want to keep you out of it, you know? You'd do the same for me. We only got each other. I know you're getting better at the friend stuff, all those people talk to you now but we're special, right?"

[3rs]

"It's like an algorithm. Social interaction. Friendship. Dating. Really, it's just a series of formulas." Edward shrugged and crouched down, now that Jonathan was no longer smoking. "They don't really know me. They don't care to know me. So why should I give a fuck about damn? I care about you. You matter."

And he idly thought that it was a lot easier to keep Jonathan out of his business, because Jonathan wasn't like him. Jonathan could let things go. Edward was not letting this go. "Is he going to mess you up more? If you stay."

[jonboy]

"Define 'mess me up' cause to be fair, I did this to myself. I was stupid." He raised his hand and rubbed his neck, not sure what would happen going forward but he wasn't ready to call it quits on his dad and the life he had grown accustomed to. The only real problem now was Edward, he was the added complication that he had to fix. "I don't think I need to conquer fear. I like it. Trouble is, he won't stop until he cures it. That's his plan."

And the Lords plan, apparently. "God is on his side, Ed. What's a guy like me to do?"

[3rs]

"Be an atheist and ditch this whole mess with me." Seemed like a pretty obvious thing to do here. He could watch his best friend being driven mad right before his eyes, what was he supposed to do, sit idly by? He already had about three different plans halfway worked out, depending on what he could talk Jonathan into. "Your father is insane. Without fear, how long would any person stay alive? It's a basic self-preservative response."

[jonboy]

"I think maybe I can reach him. It's mom dying that did it, the fucking nail in the coffin, you know? We couldn't get through the flames to save her. He thinks we were scared but as you say, that's just self preservation. Who runs into fire?" It was damn stupid but it was a hard fight to win these days. His dad believed what he believed. Jonathan closed his eyes and rubbed at his temples, trying to work it all out. "He's always been a shitty dad and I can deal with a shitty dad, I don't care about that. As long as he isn't dosing me."

[3rs]

"Then I can help you with that. If you want to reach him." Not that Edward really believed it would work, but then, he had very little faith in fathers. Who knew? Maybe Jonathan was right about his dad. Maybe he wasn't entirely beyond reasoning. "I just worry for you, Jonathan. I get to, don't I? We're friends. It's normal to be concerned. So let me help you and stop trying to push me away. You are awful at that anyway."

[jonboy]

"I will handle it, you won't help me. You'll just stay away, okay? I'll fix it and if it spins out of control, we'll come up with another plan." But getting Edward involved wouldn't help, it'd only hinder. "I'm going to head back in a few, open all the windows and toss out some notes, try to get a conversation that doesn't end in bullshit. Just stay in for a week, okay? Go to school, fine, whatever but no night investigations. Too dangerous."