"Cause it fucking matters to me." Jonathan admitted pathetically, knowing he was being a fool but he couldn't help himself. He usually had everything so tightly held in and under control but he couldn't keep focus today, he couldn't keep himself safe. All the emotions were out and open, lost in his own fear. He didn't miss that part about fear - it made one very vulnerable. "It matters to me if you fucking care or if it's all bullshit, son. If it's love or it ain't! I fucking care. I care! I don't know why, I just do. I want you!"

Jonathan froze for a moment and everything in his brain was desperately seeking a retreat because he knew, on a logical level, that he was embarrassing himself but he had no ability to turn it off and stop himself. He took a deep breath. "Handsome boy. Smart boy. Lives in my head. I can't escape it but he can? That ain't fair, it ain't fucking fair, son."